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by Robert Kalwarowsky 10 Comments

My Struggle with Mental Health

My Struggle with Mental Health

I’ve had a nagging feeling that I needed to write about this topic for a while and I haven’t for fear of judgment.  In honor of a mental health campaign in Edmonton titled 11 of Us after the statistic that 11 Edmontonians that attempt or die by suicide each day) and my core values of honesty, impact and service, here it is, my struggle with mental health.

June 4th, 2010 – This day should have been the biggest moment in my life up to that point.  I walked across the stage and graduated from MIT.  Coincidentally, it was also my 22nd birthday.  I remember feeling void, questioning what’s next for me.  Up until recently, those feelings never left.

I struggled with purpose and meaning, often questioning who I am or what’s the point of being here.  It got so bad, I went to the hospital for depression/suicidality and they put me on medication.  Funnily enough, the medication made it worse.  I went to a psychiatrist, I tried group therapy, I tried telephone counselling, I took 5 different medications, I went to church, I moved, I changed jobs, I sifted through hours of podcasts/videos/books looking for the answer.  It’s been almost 10 years and, with the help of my coach, I’m finally putting the pieces together of who I am and what I’m here to do.

Who am I?  I’m a continuous learner who wants to distill & share everything I learn with you.
Why am I here?  I’m here to impact the world by being who I am.

I was trained to look outside myself for the answers, to be analytical, to be logical.  That’s why I searched for so long and was unsuccessful in every attempt.  The answers are within you.  You just haven’t been trained to find them.

If you struggle with mental health, I encourage you to get help.  I encourage you to take the first step and talk to someone.  Based on my experiences, don’t stop if the first step doesn’t work.  Try someone new, ask for help somewhere else.  Eventually, you’ll find your truth.

You’re not alone.  You are worthy.  You deserve to be happy. 

Reliability Never Sleeps,

Rob

2 Resources That Might Be Helpful (they are Canadian resources so you may need to find the appropriate local resource in your area)

  • Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 686868 from a Canadian phone
  • Help Right Now – Canadian Mental Health Association

Filed Under: Articles, on Maintenance Reliability, Rob's Reliability Project

About Robert Kalwarowsky

Robert Kalwarowsky joined Fluid Life in the spring of 2014 and currently focuses on machine learning, lubrication & reliability audits and reliability product development. Previously, Rob worked as a Reliability Engineer at Teck Resources and his work focused on condition-based monitoring analytics, failure prediction, risk analysis and spare parts optimization. He also has consulting experience in financial modeling with an emphasis on optimization and cost benefit analysis. Prior to that, Rob graduated from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) with a Bachelor of Science degree in Mechanical Engineering with a minor in Management.

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Comments

  1. Larry George says

    December 2, 2019 at 3:02 PM

    Best wishes. Keep trying. Problems could be caused by other people and practices.
    Maybe we’re all mentally suspect, judging by tradition and practices in reliability. Of course I am guilty of confirmation bias.
    Reality trumps prediction

    Reply
    • Rob says

      December 11, 2019 at 1:10 PM

      We’re always trying Larry! I’m not sure we’re all mentally suspect, I think we’re trying to make the world better!

      Reply
  2. Ananthakrishnan Narayanan says

    December 8, 2019 at 2:36 PM

    Bob,
    You are mighty brave to write this. The taboo needs to be gone. Stay strong, you are not alone.
    Cheers!
    Ananth

    Reply
    • Rob says

      December 11, 2019 at 1:10 PM

      I appreciate it Ananth! We’re getting better every day!

      Reply
  3. Kate says

    December 22, 2019 at 9:13 AM

    No one is talking about this and it’s so pervasive – especially for the Millenial generation. Have struggled with depression and anxiety – yoga literally saved me. Yoga a day keeps mental health stable and okay 😉

    In jest, but highly recommend heated vinyasa flow for anyone struggling with depression and anxiety.

    Reply
    • Rob says

      December 31, 2019 at 7:44 AM

      Good to hear you found a solution for you, Kate! There is definitely a lot to be said about any form of meditation whether active or not.

      Reply
  4. Ana says

    December 22, 2019 at 12:05 PM

    Thank you for posting this Rob. I am currently going through depression and your post made me feel that I am not alone in this. And I can overcome

    Reply
    • Rob says

      December 31, 2019 at 7:43 AM

      I hope you find your answers Ana! You aren’t alone and this is a conversation we need to be having in our industry.

      Reply
  5. Ryan says

    January 1, 2020 at 11:13 AM

    Good on you for sharing this, Rob! I agree that talking about it is key. Suffering in silence gives rise to shame, so lay it all out there and you’re already on the road to improving!

    Reply
    • Rob says

      January 3, 2020 at 1:32 PM

      Thanks Ryan!

      Reply

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Articles by Robert Kalwarowsky
in the Rob's Reliability Project Article Series

Check out Rob’s recent podcast episodes

MD 210 Boost Your Professional Value by 50% – Why Communications Matters

MD 209 Asset Management, Risk & Business Processes with Suzane Greeman

MD 208 Industrial Ego with Darren McDonnell

MD 207 Why Change Initiatives Fail and How to Succeed at Change with Cassandra Worthy

MD 206 High Performance Leadership with Susan Hobson

MD 205 Disrupting Leadership with Gary Ryan

MD 204 Inspirational Leadership with Ryan Chan

MD 203 Iron & Earth with Luisa Da Silva

MD 202 Management of Plant and Process Change With Ronan O’Sullivan

MD 201 Back to the Basics – Fundamentals of Vibration Analysis with Dr. Karl Hoffower

MD 200 Onboarding in Maintenance & Reliability W/ Kent Knight, Allyson Hawley, & Neil Summers

MD 199 Find Spare Parts Faster – The fastest way to find spare parts and DIY components with Partium.io

MD 198 Back to Basics – Missing Fundamentals With Akshay Athalye

MD 197 6 Myths about Machine Learning that M&R Professionals Must Overcome with Blair Fraser

MD 196 Back to the Basics – Training Fundamentals With Neil Summers & Lucas Marino

MD 195 Back to the Basics – Fundamentals of Ultrasound Inspection with Adrian Messer of UE Systems

MD 194 Scaling up AI+IoT Projects in Process Industries with Vivek Gupta & Sunil Vedula

MD 193 Bringing on New Assets With Dean Jarvis

MD 192 False Positives & False Negatives with Nanoprecise

MD 191 Lubrication Explained Joint Podcast with Rafe Britton

MD 190 Beyond Safety Compliance W/ Tanya Hewitt

MD 189 Remote Ultrasound Guided Lubrication with Chris Hallum

MD 188 RCA as a System w/ Bob Latino

MD 187 Does Confidence and Precision Matter in Remote Vibration Monitoring?

MD 186 The Human Side of Maintenance W/ Jim Vantyghem & Rob Kalwarowsky

MD 185 Are We Overcomplicating Asset Criticality? With Paul Daoust from SCIO Asset Management

MD 184 Monitoring Mobile Equipment and Much More W/ Allyson Hawley

MD 183 Why We Don’t Get Results with Rob Kalwarowsky

MD 182 Maintaining Mobile Equipment W/ Bryan Bieschke

MD 181 Joe Anderson and Paul Hiller

MD 180 Lubrication Sustainability, Benchmarking and Certification with Fluitec

MD 179 Addressing Leadership Challenges with Robert Kalwarowsky

MD 178 So Many Answers, Why Are There Still Questions with Cliff Williams

MD 177 What Does the Next Generation of Maintenance Look Like?

MD 176 Part 2: Finding a Job in Maintenance & Reliability With Carl Kaufman, Mike Persson, & Allyson Hawley

MD 175 Bob Latino and Danny Shorten

MD 174 Why Our Mindset Affects Our Leadership with Tom Furnival, Susan Hobson & Rob Kalwarowsky

MD 173 Finding a Job in Maintenance & Reliability With Carl Kaufman, Mike Persson, & Allyson Hawley

MD 172 Leadership, Psychological Safety & Mental Health with Lucas Marino & Rob Kalwarowsky

MD 171 State of Work with Susan Hobson & Rob Kalwarowsky

MD 170 The Tools in the Reliability Tool Box W/ Chris Defalco

MD 169 Added Value Strategies for Digitalized Lubrication – Online Lubrication Monitoring with Guillermo Miró

MD 168 How Parts Fail with Shane Turcott & Sanya Mathura

MD 167 Exploring the root causes of Microdieseling with Sanya Mathura

MD 166 The Credibility Equation with Dean Jarvis

MD 165 Journey to Reliability: The Roadmap for Success with Dan Moss

MD 164 Industrial Thought Leadership with Leah Friberg

MD 163 What Have We Learned from 3 Years and 160+ Episodes?

MD 162 Empowering Leaders in Industry with Charli Matthews

MD 161 Sanya Mathura – Maintenance & Reliability Champion

MD 160 How to Engage Your People with Garett Earl

MD 159 Thinking Differently About How Business Asset Questions Are Answered

MD 158 Leading as a Millwright with Dylan Day

MD 157 Assets and Failure Modes with Tacoma Zach

MD 156 Maintenance Leadership with Bryan Bieschke

MD 155 Considerations on How to Effectively Bring Technology into an Organization with George Williams

MD 154 Maintenance Task Analysis & Much More with Lucas Marino

MD 153 IoT Enabled Connected Breather with Roy Giorgio from Des-Case

MD 152 Starting A Maintenance Program with Ronan O’Sullivan

MD 151 Unlocking the value of Digital Transformation with a Unified Namespace

MD 150 Allyson Hawley – Hazard Girl – Bonus Episode

MD 150 Is There A Better Way To Monitor Our Assets? – With Allyson Hawley

MD 149 Improving Guest Experience at an Amusement Park with AI

MD 148 Reengineered Assets with Alex Rosales

MD 147 Fiix and Nanoprecise Unite

MD 146 Asset Life-Cycle with Cliff Williams

MD 145 Rethink How You Collect Your Asset Data

MD 144 Execution & Tooling with Matt Joinson

MD 143 You CAN collect TOO MUCH time series data!!! with Jim Gavigan

MD 142 Decoding Mechanical Failures with Shane Turcott & Bob Latino

MD 141 AI-Driven Electrical Waveform Analysis with Simon Jagers of Semiotic Labs

MD 140 Over The Line – Training with Lucas Marino & Rob Kalwarowsky

MD 139 Digital Technology Discussion with John Saldatos from Greece

MD 138 The Human Assets with Rob Kalwarowsky & Lauren Williams

MD 137 Remaining Useful Life (RUL) Discussion with Falkonry

MD 136 Over The Line – Upkeep Community with Ryan Chan

RRP 135 A Smarter Way to Lubricate Your Bearings with the OnTrak SmartLube by UE Systems

RRP 134 Over The Line – RCA Road Blocks with Bob Latino

RRP 133 Does Confidence and Precision Matter in Remote Vibration Monitoring? Interview with Nanoprecise

RRP 132 Front Line Engagement with Dylan Day

RRP 131 Learnings from Three Years of Implementing Artificial Intelligence with Vinodh Rodrigues & Xiaozhou Wang

RRP 130 Digital Work Instructions With Cody Dinel

RRP 129 Blair Fraser & Steve Dobie Talk About the Future of the Show

RRP 128 Rob’s Reliability Introduces its New Hosts, Blair Fraser & Steve Dobie

RRP 127 Engagement & Personal Leadership

RRP 126 Mental Health With Greg Ward, Clive Lloyd, & Jeff Naylor

RRP 125 Reliability With Cliff Williams, Sanya Mathura, Bob Latino & Lucas Marino

RRP 124 Leadership & Maintenance with Cliff Williams

RRP 123 Lubrication and Leadership with Sanya Mathura

RRP 122 Human Connection & Relability with Bryan Bieschke and Jim Vantyghem

RRP 121 Defect Elimination with Michelle Ledet Henley & George Mahoney

RRP 120 Authenticity, Value & Empathy

RRP 119 Teammates, Performance, Vulnerability & Psychological Safety with Susan Hobson

RRP 118 High Impact Leadership with Susan Hobson

RRP 117 Why Leadership, Why Me & Why Now

RRP 116 Culture Change with Michelle Henley & Jeff Shiver

RRP 115 Why You Are a Leader

RRP 114 Are You Leading Your Metrics or Are Your Metrics Leading You?

RRP 113 Reliability & Maintenance with Bob Latino, Sanya Mathura, Cliff Williams, & Andy Gailey

RRP 112 Fear-Based Leadership

RRP 111 Reliability Math Q&A with Fred Schenkelberg and André Ferrari

RRP 110 Continuous Improvement Q&A with Hal Frohreich, Mario Aguirre, Calvin Williams, Maria Williams, Brandy Schade, and Nick Dumasia

RRP 109 Starting Reliability with Bob Latino & Steve Dobie

RRP 108 Maintenance & Reliability in Mining with Steve Dobie, Jeff Naylor, and Jason Apps

RRP 107 Culture Change with Cliff Williams, Michelle Henley, Susan Lubell & Martha Myers

RRP 106 People, Connection & Culture with Ryan Chan

RRP 105 Manufacturing Q&A with Joe Anderson, Calvin Williams, George Williams & Hal Frohreich

RRP 104 RCM Q&A with Nancy Regan, Doug Plucknette & Errin Evans

RRP 103 IIoT & AI Live Q&A

RRP 102 Planning, Scheduling and CMMS Q&A

RRP 101 Maintenance & Reliability Q&A

RRP 100 Sensors, IIoT & AI with John Schultz & Chris Colson

RRP 099 Asking for Help & the IIoT with Fred Schenkelberg

RRP 098 Depression, Mindset & Performance with Susan Hobson

RRP 097 Emotional Intelligence with Sanya Mathura

RRP 096 Precision Maintenance & Reliability Improvements with Joe Adam

RRP 095 Culture, Hiring & Sensors with Ryan Chan

RRP 094 Transformer Reliability with Alan Ross

RRP 093 Toyota Kata with Hal Frohreich

RRP 092 RCM Blitz with Doug Plucknette

RRP 091 Asset Management & Collaboration Panel Podcast

RRP 090 Motion Amplification with Judd Jones

RRP 089 Lubrication Excellence with Ed Duda

RRP 088 Finance for Reliability with Javier Fernandez

RRP 087 Haul Truck Fuel Monitoring with Kevin Dagenais

RRP 086 CMMS Integration with Stuart Fergusson

RRP 085 Why You Aren’t Hitting Your Reliability Goals with Jason Apps

RRP 084 What’s in it for Them? with Fred Schenkelberg

RRP 083 Depression, My Origin Story & How I Hope to Inspire You

RRP 082 Plant Services 2019 Workforce Survey with Christine LaFave Grace

RRP 081 Productive Leadership with Tom Moriarty

RRP 080 Mediocre Organizational Leadership with Paul Daoust

RRP 079 Electrical Reliability with Paul Baker

RRP 078 Steam Traps with Doug Waetjen

RRP 077 Simplifying Reliability with Gerard Wood

RRP 076 How to Find a Job in Reliability with Steve Dobie

RRP 075 The State of Mining with Peter Finn

RRP 074 How to Boost Productivity Using Continuous Improvement with Calvin Williams

RRP 073 A Plant Manager’s Perspective with Joe Kuhn

RRP 072 Why You Need to Talk About Risk – PEMAC’s MainTrain Conference

RRP 071 Optimizing Your Performance with Dr. Liam LaTouche, ND

RRP 070 Lubricant Degradation with Sanya Mathura

RRP 069 CMMS in the Real World with Drew Welch

RRP 068 Reliability, Asset Management & Water Polo with LaWayne Smith

RRP 067 Using AI to Optimize Processes with Don Doan

RRP 066 Voice of the Customer with Shadrach Stephens

RRP 065 Reliability in Mining with Steve Dobie

RRP 064 Manufacturing and the IIoT with Kate Cohen

RRP 063 Mobile CMMS & CMRP Prep with Ryan Chan

RRP 062 Personal Development with Joe Anderson & George Williams

RRP 061 Why You Shouldn’t Rely on MTBF with Fred Schenkelberg

RRP 060 Electrical Signature Analysis with Howard Penrose

RRP 059 Asset Management, Risk & Business Processes with Suzane Greeman

RRP 058 Computerized Maintenance Management Systems (CMMS) with John Reeve

RRP 057 Implementing AI with Adam McElhinney & Derek Valine

RRP 056 Starting a Reliability Journey with LaWayne Smith

RRP 055 Planning with James Kovacevic

RRP 054 Systems Engineering with Rob Gabrielcyzk

RRP 053 – 5 Habits of Extraordinary Reliability Engineers with Peter Horsburgh

RRP 052 Proper Bearing Installation with Bernd Seidenthal

RRP 051 Thermography with Paul Goodbody

RRP 050 Lucas Marino Turns the Tables on Rob

RRP 049 RCM-R Deep Dive with Jesus Sifonte

RRP 048 FMECA with Andrew Curry

RRP 047 Calibration with John Cummins

RRP 046 Reliability Blockchain with Tim Ingram

RRP 045 The Art of Reliability with Fred Schenkelberg

RRP 044 Precision Alignment with Adam Stredel

RRP 043 Failing Companies & Personal Development with Calvin Williams

RRP 042 Root Cause Analysis (RCA) Deep Dive with Holcombe Baird

RRP 041 Reliability Centered Maintenance – Reengineered with Jesus Sifonte

RRP 040 Risk, Decision Making & Uncertainty with Devin Luquist

RRP 039 Ultrasound Deep Dive with Adrian Messer

RRP 038 Holistic Physical Asset Management with Dharmen Dhaliah

RRP 037 Key Performance Indicators with James Kovacevic

RRP 036 Listener Questions about AI with Rajiv Anand

RRP 035 Artificial Intelligence Primer with Adam McElhinney

RRP 034 Level of Repair Analysis (LORA) with Lucas Marino

RRP 033 What Should Reliability Engineers Do? with James Hunting

RRP 032 Calibration with John Cummins & Ross Lane

RRP 031 Happy Holidays, Public Speaking and IMC Wrap Up

RRP 030 Alcohol & Weight Loss with Dr. Liam LaTouche, ND

RRP 029 Ultrasound with Sean Miller

RRP 028 Simplifying Maintenance with Gerard Wood

RRP 027 Continuous Improvement with Calvin Williams

RRP 026 Leadership with Lucas Marino

RRP 025 Vibration Analysis with John Bernet

RRP 024 What Really Motivates with Michelle Ledet Henley

RRP 023 Do You Treat Your Data Like an Asset? with Suzane Greeman

RRP 022 Machine Condition with Arun Santhebennur

RRP 021 Wireless Vibration Sensors with John Bernet

RRP 020 Spare Parts Management with James Kovacevic

RRP 019 Through the Eye of a Hurricane with Lucas Marino

RRP 018 Living Reliability with Bob Latino

RRP 017 Merging AI with Failure Modes with Mark Benak

RRP 016 Lubrication Deep Dive with Sanya Mathura

RRP 015 The IIoT and What’s Right in Reliability

RRP 014 Asset Management Policy with Paul Crocker

RRP 013 Root Cause Analysis (RCA) with Bob Latino

RRP 011 What’s Wrong in Reliability

RRP 012 Preventive Maintenance Optimization (PMO) – James Kovacevic

RRP 010 Culture Change & Spare Room Management with Ricky Smith

RRP 009 Precision Maintenance & Spare Parts with James Hunting

RRP 008 Reliability Centered Maintenance (RCM) with Nancy Regan

RRP 007 How to Stay Healthy on the Road

RRP 006 How to Build Culture and Engage Your People

RRP 005 How You Can Do Machine Learning

RRP 004 Blair Fraser — Artificial Intelligence & Machine Learning

RRP 003 Sanya Mathura — Reliability, RCA, and Lubrication

RRP 002 Eating on the Go — Dr. Liam LaTouche, ND

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